just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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