I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
