I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
