6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
