just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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