Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
