Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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