i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
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I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
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Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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