you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
