I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
