At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
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He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
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Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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