Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
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the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
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Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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