And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
