I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
