Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
