Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
