oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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