just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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