if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
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You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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