after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
