i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
