Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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