I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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