We won't sleep together?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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