he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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