he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
