My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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