I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
