remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
