Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
