is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
