So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
