between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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