I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We're too hungover to prance.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
