I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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