it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
