Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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