Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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