haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
