who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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