In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
