ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
