I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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