yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
