Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
