apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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