are you still at the devil's house?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
