3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
