i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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