i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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