Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize