How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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