There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
