I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
