Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So many bounce houses so little time
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
