lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The beer is more important than you right now.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
