Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
