woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
