What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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