Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
