he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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