possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
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Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
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I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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