I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
