just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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