at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
