after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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