you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
