She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
