Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's official drugs can't kill me
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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