It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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