Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my shit smells like andre
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
