Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
