Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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