So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
