does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
